


K.

by bxbyej



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Character Death, F/M, Friends With Benefits, No Strings Attached, One-Sided Relationship, Sexual Content, Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan Manga Spoilers, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-08
Updated: 2021-03-08
Packaged: 2021-03-14 11:01:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,181
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29915895
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bxbyej/pseuds/bxbyej
Summary: Jean Kirstein X Fem-reader (Modern AU!)(Previously titled ‘In Another Life’)You were okay with just sex, at least you own his body, right? You were okay if you weren't his top priority nor his second priority. But still, you can't help but wish you were the one he was in love with.You knew he loved her. You knew that'll hurt. You knew that you will never be the woman that'll make his heart skip a beat. The woman on his mind all the time. The woman he dreams to spend the rest of his life with. You knew you were not Mikasa Ackerman.Maybe in another life, you'll be his number one, maybe in this lifetime, you're the one he wants to spend the rest of his life with. The one he will love forever. Because even though it hurts, no matter what life you're in, you will always love him. You will always love Jean Kirschtein.Manga spoilers! Read notes for more warnings.Also available on Tumblr under the same username.
Relationships: Jean Kirstein/Reader
Comments: 2
Kudos: 24





	K.

**Author's Note:**

> I apologize in advance for the grammar errors. English is not my mother tongue. I'll try to fix it as soon as possible.
> 
> This story contains heavy manga spoilers and mature themes, such as sexual activities, mentions of alcohol and drug use, suicidal thoughts, and vulgar language.
> 
> If you are not comfortable with the story, just drop it. If I somehow offended anyone through my works, please let me know.

Moans and groans bounced off the walls. Heavy pants and the sound of the bed creaking echoed throughout the tiny room you were in, heck, you were even sure they could be heard from the hallways. Yet, you didn’t care. How could you? When this is the only time the man above has you as his top priority. Why would you care if the others could hear your lewd sounds, the only thing that matters right now is the man above you. 

The man leaned down, lips trailing from the side of your neck towards your nipple, lightly suckling on it. His movements were perfectly calculated. The way his hips rock against yours wasn’t too rough, nor wasn’t too slow. Every stroke of his hips made your toes curl, his dick hitting all the right places. Your hand gripped his shoulder, while the other ran through his undercut. Your eyes were fixated on him, and his onto yours. Lust-filled eyes met yours, there was no love behind them. His eyes weren’t full of love the same way he looks at her. There was no sign of affection, no sign of longing, just lust. And that was okay.

You knew who he loved, you knew who he longed for since cadet days, you knew who he pretends who you are underneath him. You knew were not Mikasa Ackerman.

You knew that this arrangement would hurt you, but you still agreed to it. You still agreed to continue a drunken mistake you shared with Jean Kirstein. 

The man above you grunted as he came, yours following not long after you. Jean pulled out of you and got off the bed quickly, slipping onto his clothes one by one. Your chest heaved as you tried to catch your breath from your high. You turned to your side as you hugged the covers closer to you, facing the window. You didn’t dare to look at him, nor speak, as always, afraid to completely crumble down in front of him. 

Jean looked back at your form before opening the door, muttering a small “good night”. As always you didn’t speak. The sound of the door closing and heavy footsteps disappearing from the hallways finally broke you. Hugging the covers closer to your naked form as you let out quiet sobs.

***

The sounds of children crying, screaming as they watch their life flash before your eyes echoed in your mind. Their fearful gazes as they looked up at you as you maneuvered over the city of Liberio. Guilt filled your guts as you looked at the floor, almost throwing up your last night’s meal as moments from earlier flooded your mind. You were brought back to reality when Connie hugged you three, you, Jean, and Sasha as he tells you guys how lucky the three of you survive this mission. 

Despite exhaustion from the recent mission and nausea you’ve been feeling for the past two weeks, you couldn’t help but grin as you elbowed Sasha. “You must be excited to see and eat your boyfriend again.” Sasha gasped in horror, scandalized as the words fall off your lips. “And I mean that both figuratively and literally”, a teasing smirk formed onto your face as you watched Sasha’s cheeks burned red.

“I can’t wait until all of this is over, and create my own family,” Sasha said.

Family. You weren’t sure if you wanted one, nor were you sure if you even want to have children or how to take care of them. A family sure sounds nice though. You felt a chill spread throughout your body as you thought of having children. The feeling of nausea you’ve been having, your period is late for a month now, the sudden urge to throw up out of nowhere. Your blood runs cold as your thoughts of being pregnant filled your head. There was no way. Yes, you and Jean have sex on a daily basis, sometimes twice a day, but he always pulls out---

There was a loud thud on the airship, a gun pointed towards Sasha. Your body moved out of instinct as you pushed Sasha out of the way. The bullet going through you.

You have never imagined you’d die like this, bleeding out on the floor. You’d think you’d die in the hands of a titan considering you’re in the survey corps, you never would’ve thought that you’d die in a hands of a human, a child no less.

Sasha was screaming for help for anyone who knows medic as your head lays on her knees, her hands trying their best to cover your wounds. You could see Jean’s silhouette as he gripped his hair in frustration. Without a thought. You called out his name, him being by your side a second later. Jean was kneeling beside you, tears falling down his cheeks. Your limp hands tried to wipe his tears away, “You look ugly when you cry, horse face.” he nuzzled his face toward your hand, his warm hand grasping it.

You couldn’t help but imagine how your life would’ve turned out if you and Jean just followed your dreams of becoming an MP, living inside the wall peacefully. You couldn’t help but imagine creating a family with him, living in the woods away from the chaos. Just you and him and your children. You couldn’t help but imagine how things could’ve been if you just told him how you truly felt. Would things be different? Would the two of you build a family away from everything, get married, live in peace? Would the two of you travel to see the world outside the wall together just like what you dream of? Would he have loved you back like how you always hoped he would?

“Hey, open your eyes. Don’t you dare die on me.”

“You’re warm,”

“Look at me. Remember your dream of seeing the world beyond the walls?” His voice was almost cracking, sobs couldn’t help but spill his mouth, “We’ll see them together.”

“I would love that.” You smiled as darkness engulfed you.

***

Jean stood in front of your grave for what seems like hours. His feet almost digging into the ground as he held tightly onto the bouquet of flowers in his hand. 

If he had known you would die by the hands of a child on your way home, he would’ve told you that he knew about the feelings you harbored for him. He would’ve told you how many nights he wanted to comfort you, to hold you in his arms as sobs escape your lips. How all he wanted to do for all the nights he stayed behind your door listening to your cries were to tell you how much you meant to him. How much he loved you, maybe more than Mikasa. How much he wanted to tell you how scared he is to lose you, that one day you would just slip out of his grasp. 

Maybe in another life, he would tell you what you meant to him. Maybe in another life, things would be different.

**Author's Note:**

> Feedbacks are great!:)  
> First angst story, unlocked.
> 
> See you next chapter!<3


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